Spoonful Of Self-Awareness Part VII
Sadly, the heavy infiltration and investment into our lives played a significant role in my family's carbon monoxide accident in Mexico by attempting to manipulate us back into their control by lying about our grandparents' trust fund. Asserting we had to return to Canada and complete paperwork that had already been dealt with several times and there was no other alternative thereby completely jeopardizing our travel plans. We were in the process of putting together Johny's family, upbringing, and starting a retreat venture to bridge the gap between Johny and my bicoastal purposes, as we had been heavily guided in doing so. I believe my father wanted my mother and me back under his control and "in our place."
This meant never recognizing the talent, intelligence, beauty, and willingness we possess and how jealous he is of us. Alike attracts alike, and he used fake energy and that's what he was met with. We were far from fake, exhibiting very real raw emotions he could not comprehend or handle. Like many others, he rejected and demeaned our true emotions and fell prey to manipulating, sneaky fake energy, instead of caring for what is right, true, and aligned. My eldest brother was the first to question the long and drawn out four-year process in which no lawyers were involved and the father-aunt pair attempted to get what they wanted out of my grandmother's will. It is clear now that their objective is to steal and hoard, concealing their motives. My eldest brother of mine was displaying signs of more serious mental disorders at the time, and this was used to negate the questioning of the actions being taken against the will. Various excuses were given as to why things were taking so long. As a result, we were manipulated into signing away the rights to the land that our grandparents owned and had oil rights to. The amount of land, the amount of money, and the truth about our family history on our father's side have been kept under wraps.
We grew up with our mother as the primary figure and our father very absent with visits every other holiday with extended family. We were not familiar with our father's side of the family. There was, in truth, little interest in him, since that is what he offered to us. I found it particularly difficult to relate to most of them, where technology, video games, and warfare games were my brother's escapism, and these family members supported and encouraged as they too had an interest. The home was devoid of imagination and nature, and as a young girl I felt neglected by this side of the family and that they were strangers. When my business started to show success as a young adult and my name became more widespread as a healer, they began to consider me as an interest keyword. My brothers' mental health imbalances are the direct result of what is happening within our core family and the larger battle between the light and dark forces within. We know this is not a coincidence. Having been raised differently from myself, my brothers had a mother who did everything for them, including thinking for them. When I was a child, my mother always made me clean up after myself, taught me responsibility and respect, and scolded me and disciplined me. Fundamentally, they ruled the house and she believed every lie they told her specifically about me, of which there were many. In contrast, I had strong emotions, I cared, I cared about things, I wanted to learn, I wanted to live, and that energy was what my mother could relate to, that she could work with.
In the MANtality of raising boys to be men, tough and emotionless, the providers, women's feelings are given more importance than men. And as a woman, just as the magnetic principle, we carry more pure water/earth which grounds and allows us to feel more deeply. In their male form, they carry more of the feminine principle which is the air/fire which allows them to see the bigger picture more readily. Therefore, we need to learn how to understand, work with, and balance these main bipolar forces into a dynamic team within us to create self-awareness, and from there we will be able to better understand what is needed to maintain balance amongst the opposing and attracting elements outside of ourselves, and in relationships. Whenever we are in the realm of energy, we are capable of healing it, and all we need to do is to be willing to see/feel it in order for it to shift. An alternative to cutting, numbing, freezing, disconnecting, etc., mutilating parts of the cell, atom, or body, which is very detrimental and lacking in knowledge. As we become aware of the roots, pull out the weeds, nourish the soil, hydrate the water, ignite the fire, and give the seed/intention/air what it needs so that you can feel good, accept, and understand it. The mutation of our physical body, for example, occurs when we don't get to the root of the problem in the air, we just deal with it superficially in the physical earth. Leaving aside all the contributing energies; ideas, thoughts, feelings, and actions that contributed to the development of the physical illness/health issue or the rejection of one's own body part, gender and sexuality. We must be willing to examine this more closely.
Why do so many individuals avoid, or opt for, quick and easy solutions? In order to avoid taking responsibility, to avoid seeing the ugly, to avoid trauma, these are all manifestations of avoiding our truth plus our emotions^^^ the subtler feelings. This is what 99% of our family members are currently doing. As for the 1% of my mother who left us too stranded in a psychotic state, she was trapped in lies from her parents, siblings, and my father, thereby locking her in a false reality. Upon reflection, she realizes that this was only possible because she was running and avoiding. At this point, she had experienced some healing, however, as we neared the heavier traumas, she began to get heavily triggered and her persona would shift drastically in which the ice queen would emerge. Considering what she experienced was vile, it makes sense that the traumatized child would keep running from facing her past, her decisions in full, and facing the things that brought her shame and embarrassment, things she wanted to avoid dealing with. As her mother had done, she too continued in that tradition. As my mother begged for the truth, my grandmother took it to her grave. Holding on to someone's truth, story, or actual experiences is like suffocating and killing them. In the absence of AIR, a cell cannot charge or heal. The proper air must be present in order to create the appropriate fire, water, and earth. In essence, it is a chain reaction. If you leave out facts in order to manipulate a story, experience, or someone, you are distorting energy and skewing elements. If all intentions, thoughts, feelings, and actions are not disclosed, there are some missing factors. This results in a serious imbalance.
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