Spoonful Of Self-Worth Part XXIII
As I reflect on all the events that have occurred in my life - my mother's loss of self, my father's rejection of self, my brother's self-separation, friends who had double-sided interests, partners who were immature and arrogant, not being aware of my ancestry or my connection to my extended family and grandparents, it has become increasingly clear that my attempt to escape the repeated history of my ancestry is the underlying cause of the destruction of my life. In my quest to discover myself, I encountered quite a few challenges. Consequently, I attracted individuals into my life who resonated at the same frequency to show me the areas of my being that required healing. Like many others, I was far from who I was meant to be, and the intention to change began to pull away parts of myself, my life, relationships, etc. that were false.
I felt as if I no longer fit into society. As a result of my condition, I was no longer able to eat anything served at restaurants, and I could no longer do anything I normally enjoyed. I felt as if the illusion I lived in for so many years had been ripped from my insides out, releasing my inner self. Without understanding the process, however, the experience was extremely unsettling and frightening. All of these factors led to the assault, my declining physical health, and my return to Estevan. All of this is occurring for me as I see it far more clearly now, and in ten years' time, I will have a far broader expanded perspective as the continuous sewing and being evolved will only cease if I do. Essentially, my roots were rotting, there was no strong foundation, and as a result, everything I created crumbled. The cells of my body needed to be ventilated, and the lack of truth made my recovery process more difficult.
Why are people lying to each other? Why do people lie to themselves? A large number of skeletons rotting away in the closets, guilt-ridden consciences, and a self-convincing rationalization of very imbalanced behaviour. With this in mind, I am committed to steering others away from harsher lessons by facing the truth, in favour of sweeter experiences that will lead to personal growth. I never really stood up for myself during any of these relationships and kept my mouth shut for many years while I was being slandered, while my name was dragged through the mud. When all of these relationships and experiences were resurfaced with the birth of my children and with the recall of my purest self, I was given the opportunity to have the understanding necessary to heal the beliefs and particles that were distorted as a result. Since discovering the truth, I've spent most of the last two years frustrated, angry, hurt, and unable to alchemize my way through the layers, memories, and realizations. In order for it to be healed, one must feel it. With this understanding, I knew I needed to lead by example and be a role model.
As I dug deeper into these memories and allowed myself to feel and see my own and others less than savoury choices, a wave of anger began to release within me like a boiling pot. The dam broke and the floodgates opened, allowing the emotions causing severe damage and obstructing space to flow. All the fear and false ideas about self were given real air ( ideas), fire( thoughts), and water ( feelings ). Through hypnosis, I downloaded all the ideas and actions that were taken by others and falsely put forth about me and my experiences. If you are open to feeling and seeing the truth, it WILL set you free. Afterward, take the steps to address the issue! In light of this heightened perspective, we are then able to forgive, to be of the giving of our best selves, to accept but not condone, and to let go in order to live in harmony (state of balance).
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