Spoonful Of Self-Worth Part XV
As the weekend came to an end, I was quite sick, suffering from symptoms of the flu and cold. During the carpool home, I was with three other girls, my new friend that I met in Calgary and a high school group. I considered this group of women to be my closest girlfriends. Although at this point, I had already become aware of their lack of loyalty from many experiences that I had already encountered. The act of siding with my demeaning ex-partners during and after breakups. Social media bullying and attempts to deceive me. During our return trip to Calgary, the little princesses refused to participate in the 8.5 hour driving time-sharing, leaving my emotionally distraught and physically ill self to rely on their brand of energy in order to get through. I was scheduled to return to Saskatchewan the following weekend to attend another wedding. The individual who assaulted me is a member of the family of that individual. Additionally, I was traumatized and trapped by the events that just occurred, on top of having a chest and head cold.
As a result, I felt disgusted and mortified and very low on my own self-esteem and value. At the time, I blamed myself for the event. In retrospect, I wish I had just taken Mike to the wedding. That said, I was also partially escaping from Mike. I tried to encourage us to evolve as a couple, to want more, but he as well like previous ex-partners resisted acting out through emotional abuse, involving other women, and avoiding feelings of love. Due to the other versions of my ex-partner, as well as my father/brothers, I attracted him... duh duh duh. Controlling and dominating, he had a hold on me I couldn't comprehend. Throughout all of these relationships, I'm trying to teach my little girl the importance of standing up for herself, speaking her truth, and knowing her worth. The weaving of energies becomes wild as we connect all the factors that contribute to life. In essence, we are all a fragment of the same original consciousness (Spirit, Ion, Origin), a direct derivative of it.
As a result of this knowledge, we can then begin to approach our family members, friends, partners, etc. with a heightened perspective. In this dual experience, what is my lesson and contract with this version of myself? There was a lot of backlashes when I didn't attend the wedding. How could I not attend? How could you not attend our wedding? There is a lot of arrogance surrounding those who had oil money in our small town. Their children inherited this same false sense of success and happiness from them. I wish I had had the courage to speak up about what had transpired. However, I felt that no one would believe me. Fuck, I started doubting myself and therein lies cancer. My own self-esteem and self-concept became infiltrated. Thus, creating doubt in my own opinions and thoughts. Your cells will be infected by doubt and fear, causing division and disconnection that can lead to void.
If doubt and fear are not appropriately addressed, they begin to drain and deplete our cellular energy and overall life force. The nervous system is adversely affected when any part of the body is in a state of doubt, avoidance, fear, and disconnection.
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