Part 5 I am 64 and Learning Self Worth

My dad passed away when I was 15 months old (the musician). My marriage had ended and the relationships I had later with other men, all eventually ended. In those relationships, pieces of me had given away pieces of me. I had to heal myself by being humble, vulnerable, responsible and taking ownership of my actions in truth. I had to learn why I attracted men that were not good for me. I had to learn what versions of me attracted me to that person. Because you attract what is within yourself…a hard pill to swallow, especially if you don’t like the other person (not so funny).

I had also cut up pieces of myself by having breast implants and face jobs that were done post my divorce. Societal beliefs were placed on the importance of physical beauty and not the uniqueness of each body. I was not happy with the appearance of my breasts after nursing three babies and; I also realized as a little girl how badly I was teased by an older brother and how the teasing greatly affected my self-worth; and my image. My brother thought it was funny to tease his little sister about her tiny breasts. Always singing Dean Martins' “Tiny Bubbles”, he would sing, “Tiny Boobies” (not funny), which did later influence me to cut myself up to keep an image, “I must look good at whatever cost.” Since then, I had the breast implants removed to honour my true self and learn to love me just as I am. In truth, having the surgeries did not make me feel better whatsoever.

The breasts physically looked “good” but they were hard and I felt very uncomfortable with myself or hugging anyone lol. They never felt like a part of me, I wish I knew then what I know now as this would have saved me tons of physical and emotional trauma.