Spoonful Of Stacey - Self Worth ( Part III )

Similar to his previous demeaning style of saying, "I love your body, but I hate your brain.". Hypnosis has allowed me to explore these memories. It has helped me re-collect a lot of information from my cellular memory, and I HIGHLY suggest you give your cells the same relief. The symptoms present indicated a severe disconnection from the cellular memory of my emotional body that had been traumatized through all the actions against me. During traumatizing events, the mental body will numb, suppress, and shut down so as not to feel. If you lie to someone and deny them all the air ( ideas ), thoughts ( fire ), water ( feelings ) and earth ( actions ) present, you are stealing their power. Similar to entering a relationship under false pretenses. A story may be left out, shifted, bent, exaggerated, or deleted to control an audience. You manipulate and abuse someone's ideas and feelings so that things turn out the way you want them to.

It is due to attachments and a self-serving mentality that has led to such behaviour. It's a problem since manipulation has been morphed into the idea that it's easier than allowing and allowing someone to be vulnerable. Managing yourself, being emotionally intelligent, and showing trust are requirements for that. It's all about protection of the unhealed ego and shadow side, easy living, quick fixes, little effort, and instant gratification. In society, everyone tries to keep their comfort zones for this is society's idea of LOVE, those who do not make me feel how I should feel, let alone how I NEED to feel in order to change, evolve, and become a better human being. The ruthless part of this is that EVERYONE present at that point knew that Mike and I had been together for almost a year and lived together for a month. The majority of those now living in Calgary had the opportunity to meet Mike a few weeks prior as the girls had just celebrated one of their birthdays. When he met them, it was evident he was not interested in being at the wedding approaching; with his temper and their small-town arrogance, it was possible to envision a fight breaking out.

At this point, I must emphasize that the immense crushing of the spirit came from the clearly evident resonance between myself and all of these individuals, as we plod through this novel. I loved parts of them and wished they would embrace the versions they showed me for a moment but quickly covered when it came to other people's eyes. It is only with love that I share my experiences and the many layers and memories tied to these relationships that have shaped my personality and purpose.

Spoonful of Stacey - Self Worth ( Part II )

The cage of reality is designed to keep everyone from seeing or realizing how sincere and real I actually am so that their less than loving selves can FEEL better about staying low in a small-minded, self-aware mindset. Whoever has gotten in, -all the way down-, they know the real me, and if you've wronged me then that's your own karma. In many of my relationships, I have attempted to find balance over the years. We take on the other's karma when we don't stand up for our cells! That's not our responsibility. In the end, what's best for everyone is usually the most challenging and for the right reasons (right brain, air (ideas), and water (feelings). There are signs from your cells saying you are healing a part of your ego that was imbalanced.

With all of that said, I had been en route to Estevan for the wedding of a close friend, which I wouldn't have attended if not for him. In my life, this was a weekend that changed everything. During the night before my wedding, my high school ex sexually assaulted me, but I never talked about it publicly. The year before, I offered to let him crash at my apartment with a few mutual friends, but he mistakenly thought I was inviting him. In his opinion, I was practically begging for it when I turned up at the club minutes from my apartment after work to simply catch up with old friends. When he attempted to come onto me in my room, I made it very clear that that was not my intention, and I am in a relationship. He then insulted me and my apartment as he always did to make me feel like a lesser being since all he had were his wits and his father's money to back him up. I was stunned to see how similar he was to his 17-year-old self 5+ years post-graduation. Upon returning to my small town, I felt proud of the girl I had become. It was a time when I was at my most vulnerable. Parties were few and far between during this period. He was very much a loner and devoted to himself, and I was taking a health kick and considering schooling + yoga teaching. In consideration of my early partying days and knowing the effects alcohol has on my mind and body, I can see that I was drugged based on the symptoms that were present.

As I arose, I was disoriented and disconnected in the room of my high-school exes sister. When I started to regain consciousness, I had a hard time figuring out where I was. In the bed, naked and upside down, he was attempting to force himself upon me while saying very demeaning things to me.

CONTINUED