A few patterns in my life have been; not standing up for myself, questioning what I know to be true, doubting my direction from the higher self, and not expressing myself freely for fear of what others will think. A slippery slope that has consumed my confidence and taken my power for many years. As I awaken and become aware I work daily at resetting my conditioning's to be free from limited thinking, build my confidence, and take my power back.
I love to write about exactly what I am experiencing my blog is an online journal, but also a way to relate with like minded souls who just might be going through similar lessons as they awaken to living consciously. I love posting videos, photographs, and blogs as a way to express myself freely in hopes of inspiring others to do same with only the purest intentions.
OF course I have fear of putting myself out there. One of my biggest demons is wondering what others will think. I am sure some of you can relate. My brain goes through a checklist of rationalizing and justification, just like yours.
"Will it help your business?" not likely
"Will you have anything tangible at the end to show for it? Um, no.
"Does anyone care what I have to say?" who knows..
"Am I just wasting my time?" eeekkk
"What if nobody likes this, or comments on it?" wahhh
…. and on and on and on the inner dialogue goes. Can you relate?
BUT I desire to inspire a world of self love & self discovery and want to take advantage of this globally accessible monster the internet and use this technology to spread a little light in this massive world. There is an idea (that is often expressed to me) that because I am single, no kids and an entrepreneur, I can make decisions solely in service to whatever whim or desire surfaces. I have no one to account for! Why not put myself first? Why not put myself out there? Because that is not the culture we live in.
We are indoctrinated from a very early age, especially as women, that our primary purpose is to be taking care of others, nurturing our connections and relationships, building community and doing good in the world, all the while building a worthwhile life filled with all society’s expectations of house, car, career etc etc (the list goes on). That being proud of ourselves and honoring our gifts and accomplishments is selfish or egotistical.
Our culture tells us ‘WE’ are supposed to come later. Often last. We are supposed to get all we need from giving. Giving is better than receiving. The thinking, "first I get all this checklist done, then I can relax, play, pamper). And if we come first, well it must be for some ‘productive’ purpose. We must be doing it to achieve something.
Otherwise we are deemed selfish or self-centered or egotistical.
I now like to consider it ‘self-full’. (And thank you to a wonderful teacher who shed this perception on me during a yoga class)
And the whole point of being ‘self-full’ is to be connected to myself, centered, and filled to the brim (and even over flowing) so that there is ‘me’ to offer the world. So that I can show up for others. Becoming alive and self-full requires that I show up for myself first. Because it makes me come alive. And that is reason enough.
And yet, I still feel awkward at this. And that’s okay. I am faced with negativity, naysayers, and skeptics everyday BUT I choose to be out there and alive. And I know that’s what the world needs more of. People who are alive. Livened by their Soul, their desires, their dreams, their hopes and their passion.
Namastacey (~*~)