Part 5 I am 64 and Learning Self Worth

My dad passed away when I was 15 months old (the musician). My marriage had ended and the relationships I had later with other men, all eventually ended. In those relationships, pieces of me had given away pieces of me. I had to heal myself by being humble, vulnerable, responsible and taking ownership of my actions in truth. I had to learn why I attracted men that were not good for me. I had to learn what versions of me attracted me to that person. Because you attract what is within yourself…a hard pill to swallow, especially if you don’t like the other person (not so funny).

I had also cut up pieces of myself by having breast implants and face jobs that were done post my divorce. Societal beliefs were placed on the importance of physical beauty and not the uniqueness of each body. I was not happy with the appearance of my breasts after nursing three babies and; I also realized as a little girl how badly I was teased by an older brother and how the teasing greatly affected my self-worth; and my image. My brother thought it was funny to tease his little sister about her tiny breasts. Always singing Dean Martins' “Tiny Bubbles”, he would sing, “Tiny Boobies” (not funny), which did later influence me to cut myself up to keep an image, “I must look good at whatever cost.” Since then, I had the breast implants removed to honour my true self and learn to love me just as I am. In truth, having the surgeries did not make me feel better whatsoever.

The breasts physically looked “good” but they were hard and I felt very uncomfortable with myself or hugging anyone lol. They never felt like a part of me, I wish I knew then what I know now as this would have saved me tons of physical and emotional trauma.

On this day, I would like to express my utmost respect and admiration for the Indigenous people who are rightfully recognized as one of the three founding nations of this great country. It is important to acknowledge the significant contributions and sacrifices made by these communities in shaping the culture, history, and identity of this land.

Let us continue to honour and support Indigenous peoples in their ongoing struggles for justice and equality. It would be incomplete and insensitive of me to express gratitude on this day without acknowledging the significant and traumatic event that is a part of our history. There is still much to learn, and I humbly offer my thanks and honour. It's like adding salt to the wound if we don't recognize the magnitude of it. The issue of cultural appropriation has been a sensitive topic for me. As a white, blonde, Canadian yoga teacher, I have faced scrutiny and criticism.

However, I am deeply drawn to and resonate with diverse cultures and ethnicities that may appear different from my physical appearance and previous life experiences. To truly connect and understand each other, it is important to explore our connections on a deeper level, including our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical ties through our cellular system and genetics. This will help us overcome false ideas and lifestyles that stem from a limited perspective of our cells, life, race, culture, relationships, and the human experience as a whole.

I plan to keep learning and teaching my children about the true history of humanity. It's important to me that they understand and show empathy towards people from all walks of life, whether they are close by or far away. This weekend, we are taking the time to pay tribute and give thanks to the land, the original inhabitants, and the hardships they faced.