Spoonful of Stacey - Self Worth ( Part IIII )
With his tall stature and I don't give a fuck attitude, he left everyone in a daze + he gave these individuals from my past very little weight + worth as he knew how hard I tried to separate myself from most of these people. After the devaluing and cheating relationships of my ex(s), I found my own path, expanded my horizons, met new people, began expressing more of my actual self, and widened my perspective. In my small town, the cliqué would hate me for befriending and being welcoming + nice to "outsiders." It would be considered "too much" because the high-school slang we had made up still stayed with them decades later. All signs of emotional stagnation.
Stuck in the halls of the high school, they look back on their reigning better days. I lost so much by allowing this group to completely destroy my sense of self-worth, ideas and thoughts by daily scrutinizing everything down to my mother, my feet and my face. It has taken me years to be able to really see my reflection in a mirror. The burning along with the bags around my eyes had made me realize how much I was unable to see clearly for years. Karma was demanded by the universe and now it must be met for my health and that of others. The sensitive and pure cells of my body held on to hope one day that they would all change and finally provide me with the weight and worth I deserved.
My role in their lives was as their stylist, hairdresser, text my boyfriend something funny for me, open up the house/fridge, drive anywhere, listen to their woes, and be there for them whenever they needed me. I only aimed to be a good friend because this was all I wanted in return. With hOMe work under my belt, I can speak honestly about this.
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