The Return: Recoding the Supernova

It has been nearly two years since a Spoonful of Stacey went out into the world. That silence speaks volumes. I went deep down—perhaps for too long—submerged in the "Black, Night, Dark" of the feminine. I had to descend into that void to acknowledge the lack, to face the shadows of our lineage, and to survive the weight of what was lost.

But I am back. I am surfacing with the understanding that we cannot reconstruct the patriarch or the masculine without first healing the dark feminine he has suppressed.

The dynamic in our relationship caused Johny, Lux, Pax and me grave amounts of trauma—years of CPTSD, the passing of our son, and the loss of an entire life I worked tirelessly to build. It was a repeat of ancestral history. There were so many windows for a different outcome, but my intuition was ignored. I pleaded not to stay in that hotel; that plea led to an argument, which led to a series of physical signs screaming at us to get out.

But we were bulldozed. Past patterns pulled hard on cellular memory, choosing the familiar path of trauma over the act of listening. It was a glitch in the binary coding of our lives—the 1s and 0s of our system stuck in a loop of historical repetition.

In the depths of the silence that followed, I realized that the most vital parts of me—the singing, sketching, painting, and poetry—had sparked during Paxie’s pregnancy. These were the parts of the "self-cell" that were coming back in with his birth; the suppressed pieces of our lineages finally trying to breathe. When he was taken, it felt as though those ancestral breakthroughs and my entire expression were taken out along with him.

I am still working to get them back.

Through Pax and the energy he carries, I am revitalizing the holes in our ancestry. We are reclaiming the parts of us that have been attacked and rejected for being "too loud," "too sensitive," or "too eccentric." These are the most concentrated particles of original consciousness—fragments of a supernova explosion scattered in the void.

It is my mission to collect them. This reclamation is what our nervous systems require to finally function rhythmically between the electric and the magnetic—the X and the Y. I am rewriting the code. I am reconstructing my identity, my expression, and my sovereignty.

The scales are finally being reset.

S 🙏🏼